Our story: finding a private sperm donor in Austria

We're Jenni and Clara, a couple from Vienna, and we wanted a child. That sounds like a simple sentence, but in reality it was a year full of messages, cancelled meetings and hope. This is our story, told as honestly as we can. We're writing it down because, back then, this is exactly the kind of account we wished we'd been able to read.

Why a private donation was the only option for us

We're two women. Sperm isn't part of our relationship, so we needed a donor. A clinic was one option, but it's expensive, and for a female couple that route felt like a lot of paperwork and not much warmth. We preferred the cup method (Bechermethode): the donation at home, with a cup and a syringe, no sex involved at all.

This mattered to us from the very start. We didn't want natural insemination, meaning no sex with the donor. Clara is a midwife (Hebamme) and knew the medical side well. The organising around it was new to both of us.

The search: Tinder and an old forum

Where do you even find a donor? We tried two places. On Tinder, yes, really, and on the samenspende.at forum. Both felt improvised. Old profiles, blurry photos, a lot of back and forth, and it was hard to tell who was serious. You're writing to strangers about something deeply personal, and you've got almost nothing to go on.

Three men, three very different conversations

With the first donor it started off friendly. Then he pushed for "natural" insemination, meaning sex. That was never on the table for us, and the way he kept pressing felt intrusive. We ended the contact.

The second was the opposite: calm, serious, fine with the cup method. We met, prepared everything, watched for the right day. On the day it just didn't work physically, he couldn't produce a sample. It was a bitter moment for everyone, and no one was to blame.

The third donor was open about his health, had no problem with the child getting to know him later on, and stayed relaxed even when we were nervous. With him it worked, using the cup method. Not the first time: we met several times, needed a few attempts and learned a fair bit along the way. But we kept at it, and eventually the time came.

What wore us down the most

Not the medical part. The organising. Keeping an eye on the cycle, messaging three strangers at the same time, taking the rejections, and never being quite sure whether someone was being honest about their health or how often they'd already donated. Building trust over a Tinder message is almost impossible. That was the part that took the most out of us, more than anything else.

Why this platform exists

The idea came out of that exhaustion. We built what we wished we'd had back then: verified profiles, protected privacy, a clear framework, and all of it free. So that the hard part stays the decision to have a child, not the search.

If you're right at the start yourself, our guide on finding a sperm donor in Austria walks you through how to find someone safely and without pressure. And if you want to know how the method that worked for us actually goes, we've written it out step by step in our guide to the cup method.

What we'd do differently looking back

• Be clear from the start about which method works for you. For us it was only ever the cup method. Some people want natural insemination, and that's a legitimate choice too. The only thing that matters is that both sides want the same thing. The moment someone doesn't respect your choice or starts pushing you, end the conversation.
• Ask for up-to-date health tests from the start, ideally in writing.
• Don't juggle several people at once. Trust one person whose gut feeling really fits.

And the most important thing: for us it always stayed unpaid and without pressure. If you're wondering what's actually allowed legally, we've summed it up in Is private sperm donation legal in Austria?.

Our child is here today. The road was exhausting, but it was worth it, and we'd take it again.